In a person, a blind spot can mean an area where a person fails to exercise judgment, awareness, or perspective. In a relationship, a blind spot can mean any area a person fails to recognize is impacting their relationship either in a negative way or as a needed growth area.
In technical terms, a blind spot is a range of view that is blocked. For example, while driving you may not see a motorcycle zoom past you even when you look at your side view mirror.
This is because it may have been your blind spot. This is also why we sometimes hear about how accidents happen when someone reverses their car.
Shedding light on blind spots can make the difference in whether your romantic relationship thrives or fails. We all have blind spots as we are only human (with flaws). Bringing your blind spots to awareness and understanding what yours may be can have a lasting impact on the quality of your relationships, both in the romantic and non-romantic sense. To overcome blind spots, we can practice asking ourselves (or you can do this with your partner!) the following three questions:
What can of person am I becoming?
As humans we are constantly changing….every minute, day, week, month and year based on our experiences. Asking ourselves this question shows a willingness to look at yourself. Learning to be as honest as possible with yourself is key; understanding that conflicts and problems in your relationship aren’t just about your spouse’s faults, personality, or behaviour. It takes two people to have a healthy and strong relationship. It starts with you.
We all come into our relationships as unique individuals with different histories and relationship experiences. Additionally, we all have different familial background and ways we modelled love, affection, and comfort. Understanding how your background has influenced and shaped you is important.
Is your communication style with your partner effective?
Dr. John Gottman, one of the foremost experts on couples with over four decades of research, reports he can predict with 94% accuracy whether a couple will break up. He does this by observing them for 15 minutes while they try to resolve an ongoing disagreement.
Based on his research, it is the way a couple argues that indicates whether they will remain together. He cites contempt as the number one culprit; if a couple continues with this type of communication style over time, they will most likely break up, or if it is a marriage, get a divorce.
Contempt is attacking your partner’s sense of self by conveying disgust. It can be expressed both verbally and non-verbally. Verbally, it is often expressed as harsh judgment, insults, sarcasm, hostile humour, and name-calling. Non-verbally, it can be expressed by rolling eyes, a dirty look, curling the lips, or sneering. Oftentimes, couples do not realize they are displaying signs of contempt when communicating with their partners. Making a conscious effort to notice these verbal and non-verbal expressions are important in creating a better environment for one another.
Is your communication style impacting your relationship in a positive or negative way? This question is an excellent topic to bring up when your partner perhaps over a meal or a drink, when both are in a relaxed state. Having an open, honest discussion from time-to-time is a good way to ensure both parties are happy with how each partner is communicating.
Do you practice clear boundaries in your relationship?
Often in relationships, boundaries can become blurred. It is good to establish clear boundaries between your partner and yourself as good boundaries can keep you from stumbling and falling on the slippery slope of infidelity and other unsavoury behaviours.
A boundary is a clear line of demarcation. One should actively be putting up clear lines around our personal boundary and our relationship boundary as well. When we do so, we are stating claim to what is ours and what we will accept and do not accept. Good boundaries apply to our behaviours, thoughts, feelings, choices, and decisions. A healthy relationship is when a couple respects each other’s’ boundary and the boundary of the relationship for the couple itself.
Asking the above three questions is a good place to start when examining our own blind spots. The questions posed are not exhaustive, but they can be helpful.
Relationships take work; it can be viewed as your personal investment. A good relationship between your partner and your will create positive ripples in other areas of your life. The blind spots you identify and work on can also be used in your relationship with your parents, children, work environment and so on. In short, you have everything to gain when working on your blind spots!
The concept of THE ONE, also known as soul mate has been fed to us since we were little…Disney cartoons like Cinderella, Sleeping Beauty, Snow White or romcoms movies where the leading man and lady lives happily ever after sounds wonderful but in real life, happily ever after takes a lot of work and commitment to get there. The idea that there is only one person out there for us can set us up for unrealistic expectations when it comes to relationships.
To put it in practical terms, to find THE ONE in a world of 7.8 billion people is almost impossible. Perhaps it would be more realistic to reframe this concept to “THE ONE AT THIS MOMENT IN TIME”. The partner you would think of as THE ONE in your 20s might not be the same one in your 30s, 40s, or other stages in your life simply because life’s experiences shapes us and helps us grow as we mature with time. Two people who have lasted 10, 20, 50 or a lifetime together are the ones who found each other at the right moment and worked hard at keeping the relationship going and the flame burning. Fireworks razzle, dazzle and fizzles just as fast, but it is the charcoal log that burns slow lasts through the night.
Those who lean towards purely romantic destiny (or soulmates) believe people “click” and are meant to be together. As a result, those beliefs tend to drive those who believe in “the one” to be intensely passionate and satisfied with partners at first, particularly while things are compatible. Much like the fireworks concept, the relationship is filled with insane chemistry between the partners and when problems inevitably arise, believers in soul mates often don’t cope well and chances of leaving the relationship might be higher as it did not fit the ‘happily ever after’ framework. They simply look elsewhere for their “true” match.
Having a mindset of romantic growth instead of purely romantic destiny would be a healthier alternative. People who believe in the cultivation of romance will look for a person who can work and grow with them, resolving conflict as they arise. Like the charcoal log example earlier, a romantic growth individual might not have the same intense, euphoric response to partner connections in the beginning. However, as time passes, they choose to stay committed to their partner, resulting in longer and more satisfying relationships over time.
Life is not a Disney cartoon where Prince Charming and his fair maiden ride off into the sunset and lived happily ever after. Living happily ever after is very much possible, it just requires shattering the illusion of the concept of THE ONE. Instead it is ultimately about choosing to commit and to work on the imperfectly perfect relationship between two imperfect beings.
It’s easy to forget about the importance of self-care and self-love after a breakup. The pain of losing a partner can be so intense that even acknowledging your emotions can be heart-wrenching. A breakup has the potential to affect you physically, emotionally, and psychologically.
That is why making an extra effort to take care of yourself during tough times is so important, and finding the right self-care routines to try after a breakup can be a great way to kick-start the healing process.
In this video, we share 3 Aspects of self-care you can practice after a break-up
Physical self-care involving physical movements
Physical self-care involving physical movements Yoga, dancing, HIIT training, or even a nice soothing body massage
Mental self-care: Be aware of your thoughts Step 1: Be aware of your thoughts Step 2: Embrace the emotions and let it flow through you Step 3: Do your best to let go of those thoughts once you have become aware of it
Relational self-care: Avoid self-isolation – Reach out to a good friend and share your story (you do not have to suffer alone!) – Take the opportunity to connect with family and friends you have been neglecting while you were in a relationship – Volunteer! It provides a great distraction from your pain and is a temporary balm as it makes you feel good when you give your time and be of service to a cause you are passionate about
Still wondering how to go about practicing self-care? Contact us at +6012-377-1191 (Whatsapp) or info@heartworks.my for a free 15-minute Skype consultation.
One of the most painfulexperiences is right after a breakup with a romantic partner. In this video, Relationship Coaches May Kuen and Janice share 5 things you can do after a breakup. These tips are to help you get through the first few weeks of the heartbreak.
5 things you can do after a breakup
Remove all triggers
Delete all social media connections
Delete all social media connections
Write down the partner’s negative traits
Get Support from family and friend
Extra tip: Seek a relationship coach
Contact us at +6012-377-1191 (Whatsapp) or info@heartworks.my for a free 15-minute Skype consultation.
Are you passive-aggressive? Always the one who ends the relationship? Or the one that is always unwilling to end it? Did your partners say the same things about you? Were you being treated the same way in every relationship? Always felt like being taken for granted?
We all have patterns. One way or another..healthy or unhealthy. Those who have healthy habits, good on ya. Those patterns that aren’t good for us, let’s identify them and break away from it.
Firstly, pay attention and observe. Look back at your past relationships and identify, what was the issue and behavior that repeats itself in each relationship. For me, it was being passive-aggressive, shutting people out, and rejecting them before I could be rejected. Or not talking to them in a form of punishment. I also observed that I was being taken for granted a lot, mostly after the infatuation period.
When I take note of my patterns, I start to find out why I react that way. What past or beliefs do I have about it and what is a better way to respond, instead of reacting to it. Once I set the intention to break out of this unhealthy pattern, I learn to equip myself with the knowledge. So whenever it is repeated unconsciously, I know now… what would be a healthier way to reply to my partner, what would be a healthier way to act in that situation.
Most of the time, it is practicing good communicationskills. We are definitely not born to be able to communicate effectively, however it is a skill that will serve you well in all areas of your life. Not only in your relationships, with family, friends, at work, and setting boundaries for yourself.
How else can we expect someone to understand, if we do not teach them how to love us.
Do you find yourself loving someone for some of their qualities and disliking other parts of them, so much that you can’t bear to continue the relationship?
I had my fair share of choosing the wrong matches. Why? Because it was important to me that my other half is extremely humourous and tall, as I find that very attractive.
I tend to fall for the bad-boys, all that excitement, adventures, lust and spontaneity. Those qualities are definitely nice to have, but what’s more important are the qualities that can last for years, things that grow the bond and the love and things that make 2 people happy to be with each other.
Relationships are not easy, however choosing a right match could possibly make things a little easier on your path to being together. When long-term goals come into reality, the important aspects that truly matter are none of the above that I mentioned. It is what’s beyond the surface of a person, the inner qualities, the well-rounded person who has a balance of everything. We tend to be very attracted to one or two extremes, which usually fade off. After a while, you’ll know that the attraction has died and the qualities that makes a lasting relationship are absent.
So what can you do differently now? Try looking beyond a person’s age, looks, financial status, race and even gender. What are their inner qualities? It might not strike you immediately that you are oh-so-attracted to them, no thunder lightning sparks going crazy but observe them as a whole person. Get to know them, go on a few dates and you might find something that’s comforting, warm and fulfilling there.
If you think you need some assistance in feeling better, then you probably do. If you have exhausted all your own means to feel better or think differently, I encourage you to take action and not wait.
Our emotions and our thoughts are made to be this way from how we were brought up and what we have learned through our interaction with people around us. And if you are struggling to feel better with what you already know, then it’s not going to work for you using the same tool set.
In a psychotherapy session, you learn new tools and the ability to let go of old trapped emotions and thoughts that are keeping you locked in and move towards shifting that mindset and behavoiur into a new way of being that is supportive, loving and empowering. And it can all be accomplished through psychotherapy.
How does it work?
The first session is an assessment session where you find out what is really going on with you and how you can work through your issues. I will explain to you in a big picture scheme what went wrong and how we can work towards your recovery.
You will also get an idea on why you were behaving the way you do and to understand a bit more about yourself and how you can help yourself to move through these challenging times.
You will get an idea of what we can do together, whether you like the way we are approaching this and whether you would like to carry on and how many more sessions will it entail for you to pursue a program together.
This program is a combination of 6 – 12 sessions tailored specifically for you where you will be able to shift out of what you are experiencing now and move to feel empowered and able to heal from the past and move on into a better version of yourself. These skillsets that you have learned is not just for now, it will last you a lifetime. An extremely worthy investment in yourself for moving on in your life.
So contact me for an assessment today at jaimeshines@gmail.com or WhatsApp +6012 3771191
I specialise in helping people deal with stress, depression, anxiety, relationship issues with romantic partners, family issues, money issues and for people who want to feel more empowered and purposeful.
Have you ever wondered why you may choose to seek out unconventional methods during challenging times? Especially when science cannot explain it or your logical mind just cannot phantom it and your unrestful feelings just wants to get some answers. You may seek out card readers, psychics or healers to get a different perspective because conventional methods just cannot give you the answer you want.
Do you know that this ‘gift’ lies in ALL of us?!
Yes! Just like an being able to paint, or program softwares cook up a storm, we all have gifts within us that are dormant until we start discovering more about it. The gift to see into the past, the future and get unlimited guidance is all within us, waiting to be uncovered and all it takes is just to get initiated into it and learn how to use it.
Imagine the things that you can do when you are able to access information for yourself and your loved ones whenever you need to.
Go to the past to review a missing piece of information or go to the future to see a possible outcome and redesign your path. And even seek guidance from higher sources, or the collective consciousness so your path can be a smoother one. All this can be learned and trained because everyone has this ability to train the muscle in seeing and receiving information.
This ancient wisdom is passed down from Teacher to Student in a download.
Just like a software you would download to your phone to access certain programs, when you learn from a Teacher, they are able to gift and unlock your hidden potential in these gifts so that you now have access to it.
In this 2 hour time spent with the Teacher, you will get to experience being in these different dimensions and spaces that will allow you to see auras, access your past, connect to angels and guides and look into the future.
You will be amazed at what you see when you enter into the dimensions where auras, past lives, and spirit guides can be easily seen. Receive information and make connections that support your path from now and into the future. Access powerful messages from beyond for yourself, and others. Over 90% of the people who attend this class see auras, past lives, and/or spirit guides with their physical eyes during the first hour. A unique gift to have, come be in the presence of Jaime Shine of the 24th generation in an unbroken Mayan lineage that originated in Southeastern Mexico and be transformed!
When you learn the real essence behind cash, you will know how to master making Cash.
Whether you make a living in a job or build your own business, having and building cash is an important aspect of life. There is so much issues when people struggle with having enough cash – they constantly worry for their livelihood, puts themselves in a dilemma that they cannot seem to come out of and no matter what they do, cant seem to get themselves out of the situation. They develop illogical fears of life that leads to depression and ill heath, life seems to just spiral downward even more.
In actual fact, Cash is more an energy than just a physical paper note. How you deal with it is how you deal with how you treat yourself and others. If you would respect Cash, you will in turn have more come in. When you understand the dynamics behind how cash is a relationship with you and with the way you view all other areas of you life, you can improve it.
When I was struggling with depression because of cash, I seem to be stuck in a big black hole. No matter what I do, it feels like I am still stuck in that hole not being able to get out. It is only through understanding the energetics of cash – that it is an energy we harness, that it has a colour and an essence, that I need to have a healthy view and relationship with it. Only then with determination, self awareness and practise that I am able to get myself out of that situation and am happy to say that I continue to thrive with this new understanding of cash and able to help others with them too. So I highly recommend anyone who is wanting to get out of poverty, wanting to build a new level of cash in their life takes this invaluable workshop on cash.
To join in the next Cash Magic workshop, please contact us.
What are the most common challenges people face in Relationships?
Relationship problems. Everybody has them. And sometimes you have them over and over and over, and with this slowly loosing hope that there’s a solution.
Have you ever asked yourself the question: why do you want to be in a relationship? When asked, most people are surprised to find this is something they have never really considered. Relationships are just something that we do, and for many the answer to this question often ends up being that we want companionship or because we felt a spark of attraction when they first met.
As a result many don’t consider life style compatibility as an essential element in deciding to be in a ongoing committed relationship with someone or not. From this many people after the honeymoon wanes realise their relationship it not what it first seemed to be.
Most relationships issues stem from 5 main problems areas. These relate to difficulties with communication, emotional understanding, financial inter-dependency, relationship expectations, and sexual connection. Finding solutions to these issues needs to be of paramount importance, as over time if left unresolved will drain the love out of a once flourishing relationship.
What is your view on marriage and some ways couple can resolve their intimacy issues
Marriage worldwide is facing a variety of novel changes and challenges. From legal battles regarding who is and is not allowed to marry, and the issues facing couples that do enter into a modern day marriage.
Over the past several decades, the nature of marriage has changed. Many people are choosing to live their lives with partners without getting legally married as they have lost faith in marriage. Others have adopted a grandiose version of marriage, with the emphasis big expensive white wedding days, rather of on the reality that love is a journey of mistakes and forgiveness over time, not a fairy tale, falling in love, and living happily ever after.
People who cultivate romantic growth primarily seek out another who is willing to commit to developing the relationship together and creating deeper levels of intimacy and love. They are motivated to resolve conflicts as they arise. They believe that relationships do not just happen; they are due to focussing, prioritising and compromising even in times of turbulence. These relationships tend to be less passionate or even satisfied with their partners in the beginning. Usually they don’t have the same level of euphoric uplifting experience in the initial stages of courtship.
When issues begin to surface, relationship growth couples are usually more intuitively motivated to find as much of a win/win solution as possible rather than to reject their partner for minor disputes so as to support their relationship commitment. As a result, their relationships tend to be more long-term and fulfilling as they appreciate over time
What are your view on the relationship between sex and a couple’s relationship health
Sexuality is just one of the 5 main areas that tend to cause ongoing relationship issues. Although given the very sensitive nature of sexuality, it can often generate more hurt feelings, and make it harder to forgive. Finding solutions to sexual problems, dysfunctions, and incompatibilities is of utmost importance as the longer they are left unresolved the more chance there is of them causing tension outside of the bedroom.
What would you tell single people out there looking for love
Many young people reply on movies and television for guidance about love and relationships. However, the problem with this is that the major themes of movie and television, was the propensity for ‘love at first sight’, with the majority of the movies showing couples that fell in love instantly, got married, and lived happily ever after.
Research clearly shows that when comparing relationships of people who believe love is a journey with people who believe in soulmates and living happily ever after, some very interesting results were uncovered. People who believe in soulmates and twin flames tend to experience more anxiety and find it difficult to forgive their partners. They’re often less committed to a partner and to developing an ongoing sustainable relationship, especially when the challenges arise.
Those associating more with love as a journey were found to have less conflict and more celebrations with their romantic partner. The act of recalling celebrations and successes reflects an individual’s satisfaction with their relationship. People who believe they were meant for one another don’t succeed in relationships as often as those who are guided by the practice of love as a journey of mistakes and forgiveness. It appears that for most people, you don’t find your soulmate—you become soulmates. Along an ever-evolving, challenging, and satisfying journey.
An interview session between Jaime Shine and Andrew Barnes.
