It has been a great privilege to have met Andrew in one of his workshops last year as he has given me so much more teachings and wisdom on the why we function the way we do in Relationships and I am super excited to have him come to KL so he can share his wisdom with you. Here are some golden nuggets in an interview with Andrew.
What are the most common challenges people face in Relationships?
Relationship problems. Everybody has them. And sometimes you have them over and over and over, and with this slowly loosing hope that there’s a solution.
Have you ever asked yourself the question: why do you want to be in a relationship? When asked, most people are surprised to find this is something they have never really considered. Relationships are just something that we do, and for many the answer to this question often ends up being that we want companionship or because we felt a spark of attraction when they first met.
As a result many don’t consider life style compatibility as an essential element in deciding to be in a ongoing committed relationship with someone or not. From this many people after the honeymoon wanes realise their relationship it not what it first seemed to be.
Most relationships issues stem from 5 main problems areas. These relate to difficulties with communication, emotional understanding, financial inter-dependency, relationship expectations, and sexual connection. Finding solutions to these issues needs to be of paramount importance, as over time if left unresolved will drain the love out of a once flourishing relationship.
What is your view on marriage and some ways couple can resolve their intimacy issues
Marriage worldwide is facing a variety of novel changes and challenges. From legal battles regarding who is and is not allowed to marry, and the issues facing couples that do enter into a modern day marriage.
Over the past several decades, the nature of marriage has changed. Many people are choosing to live their lives with partners without getting legally married as they have lost faith in marriage. Others have adopted a grandiose version of marriage, with the emphasis big expensive white wedding days, rather of on the reality that love is a journey of mistakes and forgiveness over time, not a fairy tale, falling in love, and living happily ever after.
People who cultivate romantic growth primarily seek out another who is willing to commit to developing the relationship together and creating deeper levels of intimacy and love. They are motivated to resolve conflicts as they arise. They believe that relationships do not just happen; they are due to focussing, prioritising and compromising even in times of turbulence. These relationships tend to be less passionate or even satisfied with their partners in the beginning. Usually they don’t have the same level of euphoric uplifting experience in the initial stages of courtship.
When issues begin to surface, relationship growth couples are usually more intuitively motivated to find as much of a win/win solution as possible rather than to reject their partner for minor disputes so as to support their relationship commitment. As a result, their relationships tend to be more long-term and fulfilling as they appreciate over time
What are your view on the relationship between sex and a couple’s relationship health
Sexuality is just one of the 5 main areas that tend to cause ongoing relationship issues. Although given the very sensitive nature of sexuality, it can often generate more hurt feelings, and make it harder to forgive. Finding solutions to sexual problems, dysfunctions, and incompatibilities is of utmost importance as the longer they are left unresolved the more chance there is of them causing tension outside of the bedroom.
What would you tell single people out there looking for love
Many young people reply on movies and television for guidance about love and relationships. However, the problem with this is that the major themes of movie and television, was the propensity for ‘love at first sight’, with the majority of the movies showing couples that fell in love instantly, got married, and lived happily ever after.
Research clearly shows that when comparing relationships of people who believe love is a journey with people who believe in soulmates and living happily ever after, some very interesting results were uncovered. People who believe in soulmates and twin flames tend to experience more anxiety and find it difficult to forgive their partners. They’re often less committed to a partner and to developing an ongoing sustainable relationship, especially when the challenges arise.
Those associating more with love as a journey were found to have less conflict and more celebrations with their romantic partner. The act of recalling celebrations and successes reflects an individual’s satisfaction with their relationship. People who believe they were meant for one another don’t succeed in relationships as often as those who are guided by the practice of love as a journey of mistakes and forgiveness. It appears that for most people, you don’t find your soulmate—you become soulmates. Along an ever-evolving, challenging, and satisfying journey.
Andrew Barnes is an established Speaker and Relationship Coach, Sexologist and Tantra Orgasm Coach. He will be running 4 workshops in KL on understanding your sexuality and keys to unlocking greater love in your relationship and opening into your being. He will also be conducting private sessions. Please click on this link for more information and contact us for enquiries or bookings.
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